Project 365

20

2010-07-12T20:35:00.000-06:00

Weeks. That is how far along in this mostly silent pregnancy I am. Mostly silent because I have not talked about it. Just been keeping this little miracle baby to myself.

Back in January Jason and I started a journey. I should say back in May 2009 we started a journey to have another baby. The road took a twisted turn in January. After buying and using enough pee sticks to fund half my retirement I insisted I talk to the doctor. This was the end of December. I know you are thinking May to December is not too long to try. Keep in mind last time I was pregnant on the 1st, 3rd and 5th try. This time, despite using ovulation kits and other methods I will not discuss, we got nada. Something felt wrong. The doctor scoffed too. I insisted. I even knew when to call. I was made to wait.

Another month rolls around and we end up at the end of January. Ultra sound confirmed ovulation. Another try. Another negative test. Let the blood work begin. The vampires drained half my blood. The results rolled in and the calls from the nurse. Normal. Normal. Normal. Just waiting on this last value. Humpf. Maybe I am just impatient.

Start of February. The doctor calls and leaves a message. We play tag. She calls when I am in a session. I do the stupid and unthinkable thing, I answer the call (First time in my 6 year career as a therapist). Uh-huh. I see. Okay, yes. Thank you. Blink away tears. I keep it together, end the session and get in the car.

Hysterics start. Sobbing. Hyperventilation. I drive home. I get lost even though I am only 8 blocks away. The road is a blur. I call Jason. Call again. Come home. Just come home.

Cha Cha Cha

2010-07-09T11:26:00.000-06:00

I have never been one for birthdays, at least my own birthday. It seems once I reached 13 birthdays were just another minor disappointment in life. The importance of the day lay with the person having the birthday. This year I wanted to be different. Create my own day. But it turned out surprising...

I told Jason to think out side of the box this year and surprise me. I honestly was not expecting much (Sad on my part). A few weeks back he asked me for two days in July where I could meet for up to an hour and a half for this project he was working on. I assumed it was for this leadership conference he ha attended and was finishing in July (he was reading a book on balancing work, person and home). I gave him the 7th and 15th. The 7th just happened to be my birthday.

On the night of the 5th I asked for more information since I needed to plan my work week. He refused and said I would get it Wednesday morning. Intriguing...my curiosity started to peak. Meanwhile I had accepted a consult in Georgetown (which I mistook for a 30 minute drive instead of the 50 minutes it actually took). On the morning of the 7th on the way to the 9:30 consult in BFG I got a text with directions. I called to confirm the time. 11:00. Shit, I don't think I can make it back down by 11. Can I get there by 11:15? NO?! Was I spoiling my birthday by making a silly mistake. I pleaded not to cancel and I would work it out.

Leaving the consult 10 minutes early I speed down the interstate hoping not to get pulled over. I managed to make it to the mystery location by 11:12. Jason said she will wait. In the parking lot I still had no clue what we were doing until I saw the sign..."Adventures in Dance". Awww.....he took me dancing.

What a great surprise. We talked about dance lessons forever and he remembered. After we were done I was given flowers, a card and taken to lunch. What a dude!

2010-07-08T21:04:00.001-06:00

LeBron James is all about the money.
I am so over that.

See Ya

2010-07-06T21:14:00.002-06:00

Drive time is thinking time. I have blogged in my head entry after entry only to come home and stare blankly at the screen. (This leaves plenty of time for my past time of celebrity trash talk website like TMZ, OMG or People.) One of those pens that act as recorders would be pretty handy.
Anyway, earlier today I attended a going away party for a former co-worker (now good friend) who is leaving my old company. For some reason it was a powerful event but not in the way that you would expect. I was struck by the "business" of the going away social hour. One hour ending one the hour. Brief speech by former boss then out the door. The reality of the expendable employee set in all over again. A person filling a quota. The party felt like a formality. It is just shameful. I know how much this person gave, and gave and gave. Yet in the end it was just office space. Move one out, move one in.
Now, I do get to enjoy a more causal affair for my dear friend later this week. I am hoping to be awe struck by all of the ways she has touched the life of her friends. Inspired them to higher moral ground. I am sure I won't be disappointed.

On Hold

2010-06-27T21:21:00.003-06:00

The grandest of plans. Always have them never seem to quite keep them.
I have been reading like a mad woman. Four books in the month of June. Be impressed. Two of them non-fiction.
Anyway, I was going to start the reviews tonight and pass on the wealth of book knowledege kicking around in my brain. Little man threw up (again) tonight and sapped all my energy. Energy that is running low these days (I do need to catch people up). Instead I will get my jammies on and go read.

Poem to Share

2010-06-14T20:09:00.003-06:00

Silver Lakes

We wake in the morning pulled to consciousness by
The sun peeking through the window
It quietly urges us out of bed
My feet slide out onto the cold wooden floor
The dogs rise from slumber and shake off their sleep
They follow me into the next room looking for breakfast
As I put on the coffee, he starts the wood-burning stove
Little is said or needs to be said
We know what has to be done
The chores are divided up by traditional gender roles
I stay in to pack up the food and wash the dishes
He goes out side to chop wood for the fire
The dogs follow him
Kate stays on the porch
Abbey is at his heels
I watch out the little kitchen window
As he methodically chops wood
Abbey grabs a stick, a piece of bark
And then a log when his back is turned
My laughter interrupts the silence
With sing song melody
In that moment while watching my husband
I forget what may not be and take delight in what is

August 2004

Mornings

2010-05-27T10:37:00.000-06:00

Morning creeps in to stir the tiger.
Quiet grrs call me in.
I pick you up and we sit.
Just the two of us, alone in the rocking chair.
Head on my shoulder, tickling my cheek with eye lashes.
Giggles and little kisses are exchanged.

Linger just a little longer.
Wait one more minute before the days demands start.
Breathe it in together.
Connect my heart to your heart.

2010-05-25T14:45:00.002-06:00

When I was a young teenager, 14 or 15, I used to get this funny feeling inside about not having children. My inner voice told me time and time again I would adopt. I carried this feeling around for years. In fact, during college around age 20 I had a period of extreme pelvic pain which resulted in a surgery. During that time I was told I was most likely going to have a difficult time getting pregnant or even having children. Flash forward 13 years and a few "tries" and I was surprised to be doing this:

and to have made this:

Getting pregnant was easy. So easy my husband was sad it did not take longer. My pregnancy and delivery were a breeze. Rowan was beautiful (even the doctor said so as I was delivering! Great timing.)
Having my own child never seemed like a path I would wander down. It has been challenging and rewarding in more ways than I had never even imagined. Several years have passed and my baby is a toddler. People have been asking about "the next one" and we have been trying and trying and trying. Now, once again we are headed down a path I never imagined I would be walking.

2010-05-14T19:53:00.002-06:00

Dear Self,
This has been a long and arduous week full of unexpected twists and turns. There have been a few restless nights and it can feel exhausting. Take heart, tomorrow marks the end and Sunday is the new beginning. While Sunday, Mother's Day, left you on the couch with strep throat after a shot in the ass know that you may finally get the poppy seeds you planted to sprout because of all the snow and rain. It has been a lousy week for driving but Sunday will be perfect to garden again. It is understandable that Monday left you frustrated since you decided to work but instead had to take a sick day. At least you only need to make up one visit.
By the way I am so proud of you for deciding to volunteer on Wednesday without Jason. It must have been a let down to hear (read) he was opting to work after you set aside the time to volunteer together - something you have never done. You went anyway, despite the fact you may not know anyone. That was very brave. It turned out to be so much fun and you connected with some of Jason's work friends (and got free lunch).
After working hard in the 37 degree weather, Thursday was hairy. A full schedule indeed. And Friday rolled around to cut you a HUGH break. It is hard to fathom 5 out of 7 clients canceled. Really.
The worst part of the week must have been seeing your day care provider so mad at your child she could barely talk. White in the face and red in the neck. It must feel shameful your child persists in smearing poop. Where do you even begin, what do you say? It stopped being funny two episodes ago. I know you are worried they will stop caring for your son. There has to be a little relief knowing she provided consequences (finally). It must have been frustrating to listen to your son bawl as you scrubbed him down in the cold shower. It made you cry too. It would have been so easy to scoop him up and say okay but you helped him learn a lesson. Parenting is hard. In your heart you have to believe him when he promised not to smear poop anymore and make good choices [as you rocked him to sleep]. It was the first time he has said that.
Enjoy the walk tomorrow. Your Aunt will forgive you for not letting her visit tonight. Sunday is full of sun and there are plants to be planted. Remember to thank your husband.
Rest easy.
Love,
Me

Dear Husband,
I know work has been crap lately and you haven't felt well. Please know I understand how disappointed you are you couldn't come volunteer. In case I don't express it through my perpetual crabby mood I appreciate you. Thank you for taking our son to daycare each morning because I can't manage to do that and make it to an 8:00 appointment on time. Thank you for making sure he eats his dinner every night and brushes his teeth. Thank you for making that damn peanut-butter sandwich even though you were running late.
I love you.
Wife

Down(er) Time

2010-05-07T15:51:00.003-06:00

One thing I love about what I do is the down time between appointments in the car. Most of the time I drive in silence and let my brain run. Decompress. Feel good. Ready to go to the next house. So my beloved Subaru (Betty), that has cost me at least $3000 in repairs in the last six months, has a new "trick" or should I say tick. It started out nice and slightly annoying. I would go to turn the corner, turn on the signal, turn and the clicka-clicka noise would continue. But double time...the sound would be really fast. I would then have to turn my signal on and off to make it stop. Over the past few weeks the double time clicka noise would just show up during non-turn times, like a nat in the summer heat buzzing right in your eyes. Turn signal on and off. It goes away. Now, things have gotten really special. Sometimes clicka does not turn off at all. I mean even after turning the car on and off. I am talking a day of clicka-clicka. My patience is running thin these days as it is. I am pretty sure the clicka will cause a road rage accident soon. Pray for Betty. She is gonna need it.

Picnic Lunch at Botanic Gardens

2010-04-25T23:10:00.008-06:00

2010-04-19T20:51:00.007-06:00

I know Easter was two weeks ago but I thought I would share anyway.

2010-04-16T15:06:00.000-06:00

Way back when I was a single, freeloading and dirt poor I bought this red vinyl chair from Goodwill. I love this chair. It has been with me for over 10 years. To appease my significant other I recovered the chair when we moved to our house almost 6 years ago. It stood faithfully by my bed catching all my discarded clothes at the end of the day. When Rowan was born it got kicked out of the bedroom for a short while and Jason did not want it back. He was ready to give it back to Goodwill. Despite the protests I kept the chair and recovered it once again.
Here are a few pictures of the chair in progress.

I chose a fabulous fabric to recover it. The project only took two months in real time and a few hours in pretend time.

Now, it once again sits next to my bed faithfully catching my clothes. Jason even is starting to like it.

2010-04-03T21:52:00.000-06:00

Happy Easter to all!

2010-03-29T13:00:00.000-06:00

If the human brain were so simple
that we could understand it, we would
be so simple that we couldn't.
Emerson M. Pugh

For Real?

2010-03-25T20:55:00.004-06:00

I am busy working on billing this afternoon and decide to take a break and go to the potty. When I was walking back to my desk to return to billing I felt like a had a major underwear malfunction. What the crap. I reach back to adjust and grabbed way too much material. WHAT? I reach down the back of my jeans and pull out a SOCK! Yes people, I had been walking around all morning (visiting clients) with a sock in my crotch. So sweet. At least I know what happened to that other missing sock....

2010-03-19T17:10:00.002-06:00

This year (and last) have been hard years for many, many people. I think about this quite often. On those days that feel more difficult due to lack of time, money or energy I think about others. Although the economy is on an up turn people are continuing to lose jobs or take pay decreases to keep a job. There have been some friends or friends of friends who are morning the loss of children, family or other loved ones. Others are morning lost opportunity, lost homes, lost cars.

Thinking of all those things puts life into perspective for me.

Get up, Stand up

2010-03-10T20:22:00.004-07:00

This morning 7 am
"Mom, you pee standing up."
"Rowan, I can't pee standing up. I don't have a penis."
"Mom! You don't have a penis. YOU PEE STANDING UP."
"I can't."
"You can stand OVER the potty."
"Yes, I suppose I could."

Rowan has been peeing standing up, if you couldn't tell.

In other news, had another bout of not my kid today.

Here is the ironic part of the situation...on the way to pick up Rowan I was thinking about how nice it was since he has been going on the potty. He sure smells better when I pick him up from Papa's. Then I thought I bet Papa is so happy not to be changing poopy diapers. It's a good thing we haven't had a poop smearing episode in a while....

And once again it all boils down to a load of crap and body humor. You are welcome.

2010-03-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

Procrastination is opportunity's natural assassin.

Woof! Dog or Master?

2010-03-04T14:50:00.005-07:00

The other night Rowan was roaming around the dining room table in a bear crawl panting like a dog. He stops under his chair and licks the floor.
"Rowan, don't lick the floor. That's gross."
He looks up, smiles, and licks the floor.
"Rowan! Look at Mommy. Don't lick the floor. There are all kinds of germs on the floor that can make you sick. You don't want a tummy ache."
Smirks. Licks the floor.
"Rowan! You are not a dog. DON'T LICK THE FLOOR!"
He sits down on his feet, cocks his head to one side touching his ear to his shoulder, wags his finger at me and says, "Well, act-truly I am."

Last night at dinner we were being ordered around by one very assertive 2 1/2 year old. Lot of nnnnooooosss and Daddy you do this and Mama you do that. Finally I asked who is in charge and IMMEDIATELY Rowan raised his hand.

P.S. Rowan went potty at daycare two days in a ROW! (Just once each day but I'll take it!)

Just around the corner

2010-03-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

Welcome March.....looking forward to thinking green.

March 24, 1995

2010-02-26T12:36:00.006-07:00

Turned out to be the date of the first time I told Jason I loved him. I am pretty sure he ran like hell after that since we did not start dating until the end of 1997. How do I even remember this? Well, I didn't. I finally decided to make good on a promise to myself at the start of this year (hence project 365) to clear away the clutter in my life and renew.
The other day I was fired up about a point of disagreement between Jason and I and I needed to let off steam. Most people might exercise, eat or drink but I engage in activities of avoidance and distraction (such a talent I put it on my resume). Anywho, I went to the garage and picked out one random blue plastic tub. It was a great choice since it was full of MY old letters and journals. Letters from circa 1990 to 1996 to be exact. Letters from high school and college from friends, boyfriends and family. I took some time and read some of them before throwing them out. I did keep some letters, those that were signed or had a little note from people who had passed away. (And, of course, all of those kind and loving words from my husband of 8 years/friend of 17 YEARS.)
Reading through high school letters was ridiculous. I don't remember half of the crap that was written in them. Probably for the best. I did realize I have come a long way from crazy. Then I got to thinking about why we hold onto what we hold onto. What purpose did this heap of paper and ink serve in my current life? Mostly, no purpose. BUT...
All though old forgotten words can't bring back youth or take away the many mistakes or broken relationships they can still be powerful. Sometimes words serve a reminders of who you are and where you have been in your life. Words mark how you handled and dealt with bumps in the road. They are remembrances of those people who made an impact. Words can soften a heart and make it remember who loves you most. Perhaps, a point of contention can become a point of concession.

On the list of things to do

2010-02-24T22:22:00.002-07:00

Sleep in a tree house. Sleep in a wooden orb.

Serious as a heart attack, the Siegfreid family will make the above adventure happen.

Touching the Stars

2010-02-21T20:57:00.003-07:00

One of the reasons I set forth to make global changes in my life is based off a period of reflection. You know the old saying "An unexamined life is not worth living". Reflection is a practice I have held steadfast to for many years, since shortly after college. Examination has always led me to make changes. A move to Minnesota to join Americorps. A move to Chicago to be near family. Quitting a job to pursue graduate school. Quitting a job to form a business of my own. This year was not any different when it came time to reflect but the source of reflection turned outward instead of inward. I looked to a the group of amazing women who touch my life. Here are a few shining examples of those stars...
Danielle is just married. She is a yoga instructor, a physical therapist and a good friend. In her spare time between three jobs and going to school for her PhD she managed to raise $20K for children in a third world country.
Libby is an old friend from high school who opened a cafe where payment is optional. If you have no money you can help out and repay your meal. The cafe aims to use natural and organic foods. Libby and her husband opened the cafe in 2006.

P.S. Please be utterly impressed I am putting links(words of a different color) in my blog.

Fruits of Actions

2010-02-16T21:25:00.006-07:00

In 2003 I graduated from Colorado State with a masters of occupational therapy. My family presented me with a wonderful gift of a digital camera, an Olympus C5050 Zoom. Back in the day it was the creme de la creme of cameras. Practically a SLR. Over the years this camera has brought me such joy and endured drop after drop onto various surfaces. One day after the last and most fateful drop the hook that holds the battery casing broke. After months of brain storming (Sept 09 to Feb 10) I came up with a plan to salvage the camera. The plan was incredibly ingenious!
Using black elastic, black snaps, thread and super glue I created this solution:

It securely held the camera body and battery cover in place.

The placement of the snaps took a few tries but in the end it worked. While sewing I decided to turn the camera off. After the completion of the project I turn the camera back on. The lens starts out with a grind and whirl and is followed by a BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!. NOOOOOOO!!!!!! So much for renew and reuse.
I guess the camera is done for after all. There must be a karmic lesson hidden some where or life is preparing me for bigger challenges.

I bought you flowers

2010-02-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

Happy

2010-02-10T12:44:00.003-07:00

Over the course of the past month my son has become a little bit of a mama's boy. Demanding just a few more minutes and one trip back to his bedside each night. Last night after returning home from Pilates and a trip to Target, R woke up from the sound of the garage door. I was none to happy to run up stairs and scoop him up for our nightly (BAD HABIT) ritual. I open the door to his room and ask
"What's going on?"
"Mama?"
"Yes."
He quickly gathers his blankets and stands up to be picked up. We nestle into the rocking chair for a quiet cuddle.
I nuzzle the top of his hair breathing in his scent and murmur, "You make my heart happy."
He responds, "I am your happy."
All determination to get R back in bed slips down my spine and pools at my feet. We rock away quietly and in the comfort of each others presence. Mother and son.
Sigh.

Unrequited Love

2010-02-09T08:03:00.002-07:00

Here we are in February. The month of love. I think Valentine's day is my favorite holiday despite the fact my husband says it is created by Hallmark. So, I present to you...

The Story of St. Valentine

In 270 A.D., marriage had been outlawed by the emperor of Rome, Claudius II. Claudius issued this decree because he thought that married men made bad soldiers since they were reluctant to be torn away from their families in the case of war. Claudius had also outlawed Christianity in this time period because he wished to be praised as the one supreme god, the Emperor of Rome. Valentine was the bishop of Interamna during this period of oppression. Valentine thought that the decrees of Rome were wrong. He believed that people should be free to love God and to marry. Valentine invited the young couples of the area to come to him. When they came, Valentine secretly performed services of matrimony and united the couples.

Valentine was eventually caught and was brought before the emperor. The emperor saw that Valentine had conviction and drive that was unsurpassed among his men. Claudius tried and tried to persuade Valentine to leave Christianity, serve the Roman empire and the Roman gods. In exchange, Claudius would pardon him and make him one of his allies. St. Valentine held to his faith and did not renounce Christ. Because of this, the emperor sentenced him to a three-part execution. First, Valentine would be beaten, then stoned, and then finally, decapitated. Valentine died on February 14th, 270 A.D.

While in prison, waiting for his sentence to be carried out, Valentine fell in love with the jailer's daughter, the blind Asterius. During the course of Valentine's prison stay, a miracle occurred and Asterius regained her sight. Valentine sent her a final farewell note. He signed his last note, "From Your Valentine." Even today, this message remains as the motto for our Valentine's Day celebrations.

Rowan's "Nap"

2010-01-25T14:43:00.005-07:00

"My Mom is a baby."
"My Mom has a baby."
"My Mom is a big baby."
"Itsy bitsy spider...dup, dup, dup..."
"A,B,C,D, now I know next time sing with me."
"My Cow. My cow. I can't find my cow. I lost my cow (fake cry)."
"My SOOOCCCCKKKK!I lost my sock. I lost my sock. MOOOOOMMMMM! I lost my sock."
"I lost my water. I lost my otter."
Silence for a few minutes.
"Rock in the dark."
"No potty in the diaper."
"Get out of the way. Get out out of the way. Get in your way."
Laughs
"I see the horses inside." Snorts.
??? High pitched something or other.???
"Mom. George died!"
More high pitched.
"Dad. You are at work."
"Mom. You are bad"
"Mom I got it. Mom I got it. Mom I got it. I got it. I got it on my feet. Mom I got it.
I got my sock on. I got my sock on. I got my sock on by myself. I got my sock on by myself. I got my sock on by myself." (edited for length)
"It's time to wake up. Knock knock. IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP! Wake up in thirty minutes. Time to wake up in thirty minutes. I got my sock on Mom. It's time to wake up. I got my sock on. I got my sock on. I need my feet on."
This is just a small sample over the course of his "napping" hour.

Sunday Reds and Blues

2010-01-24T22:10:00.003-07:00

Sundays make me crabby. Just plain crab-assity. Of course today was no exception. My morning was spent apologizing to Jason in advance, deep breathing and biting my tongue. Managed to make pancakes for breakfast, get the kid dressed and drag my feet getting clothes on myself. Sunday grocery shopping...yippie. Make it out the door about an hour and a half after making the plan to go. Super. The husband is asking me if I want to take a ski lesson on the way to Vitamin Cottage. Glaring at him I tell him to ask me on Wednesday. My agitation is bubbling up until we pull into the parking lot and there it is all shiny and red.....
West Metro Fire Rescue
Leaping out of the car I get the kid out of the back seat. We get out and look at the wee-ooo weee-ooo. I can hardly contain myself. We run inside to go find the driver. Look! There he is! Mr. Firefighter walks over and shakes Rowan's hand. Speechless. Rowan tells me we are going to the fire station later tonight as we walk away. But it gets better - after shopping around for a few minutes the fire guys are leaving. I pick Rowan up and we run outside to watch the truck leave.
Standing out in front of Vitamin Cottage the fire guys turn on their lights. Too cool. Then the door opens and one of the fire guys gets out and asks Rowan if he want to come get inside his truck! No way! Rowan is smiling ear to ear. We sat in the truck and tried the fire guys hat on. Rowan even got a badge. What nice guys. We even called Grandpa Randy to let him know we got in the fire engine.
Funny thing, as we drove away I think I saw my crabby attitude laying in the parking lot.

The Run Around

2010-01-14T20:51:00.003-07:00

Rushing around the house disheveled and unprepared for the day, last night's dinner dishes glare at me as I walk by the kitchen counter. I glare back. They just need to shut their dirty mouths. How is possible to wake up three hours before you need leave the house and still manage to be late to a first appointment? It begs the question of nature verses nurture. Thoughts are loud in my head. I think to myself as I fill my water bottle - if I talked out loud instead of in my head people would think I was crazy and I never shut up. This could be part of my slight insomnia problem. Grab a protein bar and trip out the door.
Driving to the first appointment the internal dialogue continues. How is it I can spend hours organizing, revising and refining so many aspects of life and still end up five minutes late tripping out the door? The whole point of the huge epiphany during the damn cocktail party was to finally get my shit together so there would be time for other things that had gone to the wayside. I look at all these people who a remote and direct part of my life doing all of the things I used to. Creating for themselves and others. I miss it. Life drawing, painting, photography. Something has got to give.

One of the themes of 365 is reducing waste. I really need to stop wasting time.

Anyone care for a muffin?

2010-01-09T07:51:00.006-07:00

Yesterday I set out to write a blog entry about the project, it's goals and my progress. As you can see it never happened (see below). It turns out I live my life much like my son's favorite book right now, "If You Give a Moose a Muffin"(www.lauranumeroff.com), which is highly distracted and often forgetting the point of what I set out to do. (On a side note, I will learn how to add links and other crap in my blog). Digressing again. Anyway, it is 11:00 and I need to go to bed thus I do not have time to go into the goals. I will leave you with this. Over the weekend I finished up one unfinished project and created the foundation for a budget to track spending (with Hubby's help) in quicken. Over the past month I have done pilates three times a week. You can also read my started post.

The first blog entry of the year is posted on January 9th. This, friends, is so very fitting for a few reasons. I am a full fledged member of PA, procrastinators Anonymous. If there were a gene for procrastination I have it. My life provides a strong argument on behalf of nurture is a stronger influence than nature. You get the picture. Most importantly it is part of the 365 new year renewal project. Friends, it is not as bad as it looks. Sometimes, people have to prioritize. Not a skill that comes naturally to me but I am doing better.

Off the Shelf

2009-12-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back I was attending a holiday cocktail hour in a beautiful million dollar home in Boulder. Matt Damon's stunt double was the host and owner of the house. The party was catered to the nines. Glorious. All the Boulderites in their glammed out cocktail attire. Me in my pants. Panic sunk in and forced me into a corner of the kitchen for most of the night. Blinded by the sequins and satin, I realized I was having social anxiety. I had to ask myself what do these women have that I think I don't? Through out the rest of the night I made it a point to start my game plan. Get off the shelf.
The shelf comes from a one of my favorite shows, Biggest Loser. I am a big fan of The Biggest Loser. I find the show incredibly inspirational. The power of internal change is amazing. It makes me cry (what doesn't?)Bob and Jillian are constantly telling the contestants to stop putting themselves up on the shelf. This can apply to so many women (and men). It is so easy to lose sight of one's self in the everyday shuffle of life. Add a kid, husband and job to the mix and your toast. A new year is most conveniently around the corner so why not get started?
I figured most new year's resolutions get thrown out the door in the first few weeks. The approach has to be different. Reflective. Whole. 360, if you will. This is where I came up with the new blog title. I figured project off the self will most likely take all next year in order to address all areas of life - social, spiritual, financial, physical, family, work - you get the picture. Project 365 will have clear and detailed goals with the overall life theme of reduce, refresh and renew.
Welcome to the journey.

Title Change

2009-12-21T16:18:00.001-07:00

New year. New Blog. Worth the wait.

Jenga All the Way

2009-12-08T21:49:00.007-07:00

Well, my friends it has been a while. I have been dreaming in blog.
Thanksgiving has come and gone ushering in a very cold December. (To honor the cold weather I wore two sweaters and an undershirt today.) Thanksgiving was in Illinois this year at my Mom's house. We packed in 18 members of our extended family, added turkey, whine, wine and hoped for a non-violent outcome. You see, visiting my Mom's is a bit like having a holiday in the 1920's when TV was a luxury (because there is no TV or internet.) and people were forced to interact. Knowing this leaves you a few options:
1. Talk to your relatives (that is out)
2. Drink (always in)
3. Go for long walks along the lake in the cold and rain (sounds inviting)
4. Listen to football on the radio
5. Play JENGA!Turns out stacking wooden blocks is not only fun for small children under 3 but also for consenting adults. It also provides ample opprotunity for all those other relatives watching to, yet again, offer unsolicited advice.

In all seriousness, It was wonderful to catch up with my family. It even made me a little home sick for the mid-west where some of the friendliest an kind hearted people live. Now, if only there was more sunshine in Illinois.....

Lend Me Your Ear

2009-11-15T21:09:00.001-07:00

The other day Rowan took a 2 plus hour nap. I was so very happy with all this napping going on. Around 4 pm I went up stairs to wake the sleeping lion so bedtime would not be an issue. I open the door to let a little light in. He rustles around in his crib as I scoop him up. I wrap him in a blanket and we go sit in the rocker to wake up. Rowan is facing me on my lap with his head on my shoulder. I pretend to munch on his ear. He sits up and looks at me with disdain then reaches into my mouth and proceeds to put his ear back on.
Some days I just can't stand it.

Vrrmmm

2009-11-10T22:41:00.002-07:00

A little while back Rowan (my 2 year old) and I were on our way to celebrate Auntie M's birthday. Since it was a work day he and I were driving together and meeting Daddy there. Part of the way through the 20 minute drive to the eating establishment he starts raising Cain from the rear.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm stuck. I want out."
"You have your seat belt on. You have to wear your seat belt when Mama is driving. It keeps you safe. I have my seat belt on."
"Drive faster Mommy!"
I laugh at this. Then to seal the deal he states, "Next time I drive."

3 Octobers

2009-10-29T21:58:00.004-06:00

Two Faced-book

2009-10-28T14:42:00.005-06:00

Flawed logic may just be my best "gift". I am sure other people out there have felt these things or thought something similar but perhaps not said them out loud. Here is a great example.
Facebook is an time sucking black hole that reminds me a little of high school. And yet....
So, I am pretty sure everyone has friends on their FB that are not really friends. People acting like a notch in your FB belt. People, who, if you saw in public you might just duck behind a post or down in the booth to avoid seeing them. Pretty sure this is the case. Or maybe it is just my case. Anyway, the other day I realized I had been "de-friended" by a person who used to work in the same circle of people I do. Haven't seen or talked to this person in well over a year...going on two. Did not really care for this person in the first place and still I was flustered by the sudden severing of our precious FB connection. How dare they! Just because I ignored an invitation to their FB group. Please.
This also got me thinking. Hmm, so if a person has like 459 friends would they even notice someone missing? Maybe I just need a few hundred more notches in my belt.

Side note: snow day today. Beautiful. WAY behind in all possible things. But got to spend time with the boy (who I could kiss 24-7). The other day it took an hour to fall asleep for his nap. Today I thought I would just put him down later. Hmmm, it took him an hour to fall asleep today. Flawed logic.

25 ways to Kill Time

2009-10-13T21:51:00.003-06:00

1. Blog - of course
2. Facebook - every procrastinator's best friend
3. Organize your photos and end up looking through all 3000 of them
4. Clean up the desk
5. Tweeze & shape eyebrows
6. Bake cookies
7. Go check the mail
8. Pretend to do billing
9. Sit an stare at the mess in the basement
10. Trim bangs
11. Start a letter to a friend but get distracted looking for a pen
12. Shine shoes
13. Go through your old t-shirt drawer
14. Start a home project and quit half way through
15. People.com
16. Garnet Hill magazine
17. Stare at your half painted basement
18. Pace around the living room aimlessly moving piles of papers
19. Shred some of the "shred pile"
20. Look through Costco coupons for items you don't need
21. Stop by TJMax to look at shoes, socks, soap and purses
22. Make a cup of tea
23. Start reading a book and fall asleep
24. Browse Craig's list
25. Make a to do list for tomorrow

Jason has his parking spot back

2009-10-12T23:39:00.001-06:00

Flu POO!

2009-10-02T15:38:00.004-06:00

I am pretty sure I should be sanding the damn credenza (the one that belonged to my great grandma, the one that has been in the garage since late July, the one taking up my husband's parking spot) right now. I am hand sanding. Really wish I could plug in the power sander but the kid is sleeping and the credenza is in the garage right below his room. Damn. Been sanding for an hour...time to goof off at the computer while the tiger is sleeping.

Rowan and I went to go get flu shots at the Take Care Clinic today. We waited 2 hours! Please imagine 2 hours waiting in Walgreens with a two year old boy (play mini violin). We managed. Rowan was SUCH A GOOD BOY. After waiting, and waiting, and waiting we see the nurse practitioner who tells us we are getting one of the last vaccines. Well...that was worth half the wait. Not that I am so inclined to wait for a SHOT. Now, I turn white and get light headed just LOOKING at a needle and I have to put on a brave face for my son? No problem. Get the shot, the nurse does pretty good. I do pretty good considering I got it standing up. My little angel of a son takes his shirt off, sits on my lap and says "My turn for sharp in the arm." He lets me hold his hands down and the nurse tells him to watch my face. She pokes him with the needle, he turn and watches the vaccine go in then she removes the needle. What a dude! Then HOWL! My poor baby exclaims, "She hurt me." My sentiments exactly.

Went to a "High School" Wedding

2009-09-20T23:13:00.002-06:00

Wedding fare:
sliders
3 types of mac n' cheese with bacon bits
chow mien

Okay they are in their early 20's (like 21 and 22) but it FELT like a high school prom

You have made your bed.....

2009-09-18T11:36:00.002-06:00

Choices. Choices. This has been on my mind lately. Just thinking about the impact of choices - both direct or indirect and maybe even unseen. The power of one person can be enormous.
Where is all of this heavy thinking coming from? Oh, I am cleaning the basement (yet again) and making space in the closet. In the process I HAVE to go through all of those things in boxes. Old letters, wedding pictures, thank you cards, cards of other occasions all in boxes waiting to be dusted off and looked through. It can suck a person in or at least a person like me.
Anyway, looking through my wedding pictures (still in a hugh box and not in an album) and emotions began to stir. It is not so much the pictures of the event but all of the relationships represented in the photos. Relationships which either still exist but have changed because of choices others or myself have made. There are also those relationships that have ended either through death or divorce or break-up. All choices made by someone or for someone. Some choices still affect people's lives today - like ripples in the water or more appropriately after-shock waves behind a earth quake. Perhaps that is why some of these things are still in boxes gathering dust. It can be easier to deal with.

The Horror!

2009-09-12T20:12:00.002-06:00

While I have plenty of stories to tell about my recent travel adventures to NYC and thoughts about life, I will entertain with a different story. I call it "Not MY Kid".

There are certain stories you hear over and over from parents whose kids are older than yours. As you listen, rocking back and forth, holding your swaddled bundle of goodness you think "Oh, that will never happen to me. Not MY child." Examples of these stories may include biting other children at daycare, throwing an all out tantrum in your favorite store or coloring with permanent marker on the walls. Or perhaps something like this....

Ring the bell. Marilyn answers the door.
"Oh, hi Neve." Yells down stairs, "JERRY! It's Rowan's mom."
Rowan comes running upstairs and roars as he grabs my legs.
Jerry peaks around Marilyn. "Did she tell you what this little urchin did today during nap? He was lucky I wasn't here."
"No. What?" Furrowed brow.
"He took off his pants, his shirt and his poopy diaper then played in it."
Blink. Blink. Thinking inside head (NOT MY CHILD.)
Marilyn pipes in, "I don't think he was too happy about it. He did not seem to like his choice. We got him cleaned up pretty good."
What?! "He takes off his clothes?"
"Oh, yeah. He always takes off his socks and pants during nap."
Humph! News to me. So glad we have been WORKING SO HARD ON DRESSING AT HOME.
"I guess it is time to potty train. Like it or not."
Mumble apologies and try to get out as quickly as possible. So glad I can join the official ranks of "Did you hear what so-and-so's child did?".

2009-09-03T21:24:00.000-06:00

Get ready for the cha-cha-cha. NYC here I come!

2009-09-02T10:48:00.001-06:00

I have been shamelessly watching the video of Rowan laughing so hard he pees his diaper on FB. Love it.

2009-08-27T21:33:00.000-06:00

So, the floor will have to dry out and then be refinished. So, much for knocking on wood.

Airing Our Dirty Laundry

2009-08-24T00:12:00.002-06:00

Wednesday evening I went for a real road bike ride with hills and other bikers (who smoked me at every turn). 45 minutes of breaking on downhills and sucking wind on the inclines. Towards the end I am proud to say I took some downhills without breaks and discovered the joys of road biking. As as result I found my smile that has been missing for months. Apparently I needed to find my smile to prepare me for the next 72 hours.
I woke up on Thursday with a sore throat and brushed it off. By 3:00 my head was throbbing and little trolls took icepicks to my ears. By 6:00 I was calling my husband to come home NOW! Got a fever and went to bed.
Woke up an Friday with the fever and head throb called all my clients to cancel. Managed to start my period. The day went on and my head was near explosion and I could not see straight so I called the doc and made Jason drive me. Beautiful sinus infection with double ear infections. Antibiotic...all is good.
Saturday was okay; still felt crappy but we had a good day.
Sunday was nice. Took a trip to the zoo. Went grocery shopping, had dinner, gave the kid a bath and started putting him to bed. 10 till 8 listen to some snotty message from unnamed relative who can't tell time. Annoyed move into kid's bedroom to read stories. In the middle of the story Jason comes up and tells me to make it quick because the washing machine has flooded the bottom floor. Eyes bug out much like Roger Rabbit.
Join Jason down stairs to help clean up 1/2 inch of water over the entire floor. Move furniture into the garage. Pick up the sopping wet dust-fur balls that have been living under the furniture. Manage to get it all clean with out water damage (we think).
Our clothes are all over the deck along with the towels and rugs for all the neighbors to see. Our furniture and stereo equipment is safe but now takes up half the garage. At this point I am oddly grateful - we both are. Thanks to faulty genes I have several unfinished projects in the garage so we can't park the cars in there. Projects I did not get to finish because I got sick. Because of this we had room to put the furniture. Since the same genes make me late all the time we did not have time to throw in a load this morning before going to the zoo (Imagine the if Jason had not been there to stop the over flowing washer after 10 minutes....). To top it off we had already been shopping around to replace our machines that are 10 years old and eating clothes so we know which washer we want. And I am so happy we have hardwood floors and not carpet because we would still be cleaning and in a much bigger mess.
I guess my smile is more like a half smirk right now.

First Friday

2009-08-07T20:03:00.003-06:00

So, many of my colleagues work M - TR. Today was the first Friday I have worked in like 8 years (no joke). It felt weird. I was driving back down the hill from Evergreen and started calling people to talk about the kiddo I just had a visit with. Made the first call...no answer. Made the second call...no answer. Thought that is strange; I wonder what's going on at DDRC today. About 5 minutes later my puny brain thought "OH right! It is FRIDAY."
Peace

Baby Steps - no pun intended

2009-08-06T13:37:00.002-06:00

Hey-yo! I managed to email files and talk to a printer about getting prescription notepads and business cards printed. I have only been at this a year. My life will be WAY simpler with those stupid duplex pads.

King Fisher

2009-07-26T19:55:00.001-06:00

A silent a fisher of men
You caught my heart as a little girl
Pulling me to you without words

It’s true; I don’t recall conversation or words you said, nothing exciting or brash
Just tight lipped smiles
Or your uproarious laugh

A quiet mystery in life
And in death
Unraveled through stories told by siblings, friends, pictures and belongings

Perhaps we are the fish and you were the water,
Unaware that it is there until it is gone
Left to seek out our own secret adventures

Written 2006 N.S.

Hawk Quest

2009-07-21T22:10:00.003-06:00

Burstin' at the seams here with stories. Better dole them out nice and slow like.

Saturday Jason and I took our son over to the botanical gardens at Chatfield. It is open with a huge barn with chickens and goats, a stream to throw rocks in, a tree house, bee exhibit, future pumpkin patch...you get the picture. It is a place where young boys can run off energy before nap time. So, we are done throwing rocks in the stream and checking out the pumpkin patch and head towards the bee hives. The boy and I are watching bunnies hop through the bushes when out of no where swoops a hawk. It flies a few feet above my head diving down to capture a tiny baby bunny in it's talons. GASP! A few sparrows are flying near it squawking and scolding the hawk. A meadow lark is actually attached to the hawk's back as it tries to escape with it's lunch.

In the back ground my son asks "Where'd the bunny go?"

I peak around some bushes to see the baby bunny twitching a slow death. Gather up the kid and move quickly to the bee exhibit. Whew, he did not see the baby bunny. Hawk is glad we left and finishes up his interrupted lunch.

Don't They Look Purdy?

2009-07-20T07:50:00.002-06:00

Last mother's day (2008) Jason got me a certificate to St. Jullian's Spa in Boulder. I went once and had some money left over. Well, after the debacle at the doctor's office I decided to use the rest of the certificate and pamper myself. This is the 2nd or 3rd manicure of my life. It was grand.
I took the picture against my hosta so it would be more interesting and in hopes of capturing the rainbow glitter of the polish. I have seriously been making googly eyes at my hands all last week.

PS. Total cholesterol is 153.

Alive at 35

2009-07-14T07:32:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I celebrated with my birthday gift to myself - a physical exam. Turning 29 has really opened my eyes and with that thoughts turned to keeping this body healthy well into my 30's. Going into this appointment I knew there would be blood work since I asked to have my levels checked but there were other surprises in store.

Appointment was at 9:00 (like the best time in the world for an am appointment) and it was required that I fast the night before. So, by 9:15 in the waiting room I was a little cranky.(After all my morning coffee is half the reason I get up each day.) There is no paperwork to fill out.

The nurse's aide calls me in and tells me to pee in a cup then wait for the doctor. No problem since I had drank 30 ounces of water between 8 and 9. I do my duty and go to wait for the doctor. He is new to me. I am nervous because he is a man. But he turns out to be very gentle and kind hearted. Dr. G takes my medical history and then does the physical check. So far so good.

"Everything looks good from my end."

Super. Let's draw some blood. I am wasting away. Then he pulls up the stool. Looks through his notes.

"So, have you ever had a mammogram?"
"Yes, about 10 years ago." (Feeling anxious)
"At your age there are some tests that I recommend. One is a mammogram. The blood work, which we are doing, and a baseline echo cardiogram."

Blink. Blink. Look like a scared rabbit. My age? Stutter and look very confused.

"A mammogram?" (Never mind he also wants to check my HEART.)
"Yes. Starting at age 35 the American Medical Association likes for us to get a baseline of the breast tissue to compare with as time passes. It is good to get the baselines for that and the EKG now."

The gravity of the situation sets in. OMG, I just turned old. May as well start looking for a good retirement community. I remain in a state of shock. Wait, it is not over yet...

"When is the last time you had a tetanus shot?"

Damn it.

"1997."

They should warn people about this. Perhaps have a grief counselor in the room or something. And it does not help that I ended my day with a physical therapy appointment for my "bad" hip (Said in an old crackly voice).

White Noise

2009-07-12T21:28:00.005-06:00

Hey y'all. You know that feeling of being run over by a freight train. Yep, I am there. People, people, people.

I have been thinking. (Danger.) I play white noise for my son when he sleeps. It sounds like an old dial radio when the station cuts out. I think I would like to install a set of small speakers behind my ears. When I want to tune out I simply reach up and touch my ear lobe and viola the white noise comes on and I hear nothing. Like when that one person follows me around with insentient chatter instead of being driven to drink I turn on the noise and everyone is happy. Motrin would end up going out of business and our house would become dry (...well...that last one is a far stretch) I would not have to use such a BIG verbal screen. I could just smile. And thanks to Beckman the corners of my mouth might actually turn up.

By the way, I think 29 will be a fantastic year. And after looking at my upper arms in these pictures I think some push ups are in order.

Some pictures of all of the recent whoop-la.

p.s. The last entry was deep thoughts that rarely get to escape the depth of this crazed brain...scary...

That which must not be named

2009-07-07T22:46:00.003-06:00

There are words that roll around in ones mouths like misplaced pieces of gravel, sand or grit. They scrape against teeth and gums making it uncomfortable for the mouth. As if over use or misuse of the word would cause a bloodied mess.

Light hearted thoughts for a 29th re-birthday. Albeit a good day.

2009-07-01T13:53:00.000-06:00

Work horse in the morning and slacker in the afternoon...no wonder things fall behind.

Front and Hosta Gardens

2009-06-21T22:51:00.000-06:00

Butterfly Garden - June Phase

2009-06-14T22:45:00.001-06:00

Queen of Rubbish

2009-06-11T22:15:00.005-06:00

I am all cozy in the couch getting ready for some mind numbing TV. The kid is in bed (went super easy..yes!) and the husband is out with his band of biking brothers. (Yes, he met them AFTER the ride to have a beer?) Suddenly, from the monitor comes the infamous toddler sleepy moan then....
"Mom! Mom! Come here. Come here Mom." Repeat and continue for a few minutes.
I walk in his room he says nothing. I ask if it is too dark in here (at the same time run into the ottoman) and go to fix the night light. No response. Walk over to the bed and rub his back stating that it is time for night-night. As I do this a little toddler hand reaches out to find mine and.....
hands me this.....

Passes out into a sound sleep.

Mom - queen of unwanted refuse. (Kudos to anyone who gets the movie reference here : } )

The " Lilly" Garden - Phase June

2009-06-11T22:11:00.000-06:00

On a Deeper Note

2009-06-08T22:38:00.004-06:00

Things have changed drastically in the last decade leaving some people behind in the dust. While sitting in the dust mound with the taste of dirt in my mouth I got to thinking. The art of communication has been defunct. A few years ago (by this I mean 10) all I used to do was hang out with my friends and talk at length about politics or religion or ice cream. Our cell phones and crack berries did not ring or buzz non stop interrupting conversation. It was just us in a world standing still. We paid attention and listened without the distraction of technology. It makes me sad to think about the effort it takes at times merely to get together face to face (rather than FB) with a friend. Far greater distances have been traveled than just across town. What is worse is reading blogs to find out about the latest in each others lives rather than making a phone call or better yet getting together for a cup of coffee.
People wonder why there is such a void or a feeling of longing in their lives.
Perhaps it is because the people are missing.
Maybe it is time to put the human back in humanity.

One

2009-06-06T23:00:00.000-06:00

Did I mention I tried to burn the house down the other day?
Last Friday in fact. I decide to make some brew for the hummingbird that never comes to my yard (but sits on the fence). I put 4 cups water with 1 cup sugar and set it to boil. As I turn on the stove I think "I'm going to forget about this" and walk away. Rowan and I go outside to play. About an hour and a half later in the middle of some extreme pruning I hear this high pitched beeping sound. What in the world is that?! Open the sliding glass door and smoke pours out. It is so thick I can't see and the smell burns my throat. I run and turn off the stove and start opening windows, doors and the garage. I am shocked no one called 911 because it looked as if the house were on fire. Smoke filled every room but the basement. The house airs out for several days before the campfire smell went away. The microwave still smells each time I use it and the stove has yellow smoke damage on it.
The pan is a caphalon ONE and is still in tact. I am a customer for life.
Here is a picture or two of the sugar water in the shape of the pan.

Two

2009-06-06T22:43:00.003-06:00

The worst sound in the world is the sound of toddler forehead smacking against the corner of the wall.
Busy making dinner on Tuesday and the kid is busy playing. He runs past me, trips and falls into the corner.
Oh, SHIT! Okay. Okay. Still conscious and so was the kid. Breathing, crying, talking.
I try to ice it and give motrin. Pace with kid in my arms until husband gets home.
Open garage door and go ballistic.

Pictures don't do the egg sized lump justice. It raised up about 1/2 inch. Yuck.

Three

2009-06-06T22:42:00.000-06:00

My sister and I were happily having a conversation about my Aunt's 50th birthday and shoes coming in the mail when call waiting beeps. First, I have problems keeping people on the line and answering call waiting. It is the husband so I click over to the best of my ability.
"Hey."
"Hey, what time does that urgent care close?"
"8:00. Why?"
"I don't want to tell you. I am having trouble moving my arm."
"Hold on."
Switch over and hang up with the sister while googling the other urgent care locations near the house. Successfully switch back to the husband.
"Jason. Let me call this place and I will call you back."
Call the urgent care closet to our house. It closes at 9:00. I look at the clock. 8:26. Sweet. Call husband.
"Go to the one by Wal-mart and I will meet you there." We heckle back and forth for a few minutes and I win.
Call Tracy and ask her to come over to watch Rowan (now asleep). She is at the door by the time I hang up the phone.
Swear to my self on the ride over. Turns out to be a broken arm. For all those who care -- proximal radial fracture at the ulnar head. Ortho on Monday.

2009-05-30T22:57:00.001-06:00

I wonder what would happen if I put as much time in to my house as I did on the computer?

Morning Mama

2009-05-28T22:54:00.002-06:00

7:00 am Enter son's room. Sit in rocking chair.

Son - "I want some chocolate."
Mama -"You can't have chocolate for breakfast!?"
Son delighted - "Yes!"
Mama- "You can't have chocolate for breakfast."
Son, still delighted - "Yes!"
Mama - "We are all out of chocolate."
Son - "I'm sad."

The Best Part of Waking Up

2009-05-22T22:00:00.002-06:00

My favorite time of the day is waking up before the hustle and bustle and having a cup of coffee. The smell and taste...mmmm.
Even better than that first cup of coffee are the care free showers. Showers in the basement bathroom (better shower head and hotter water) after the kid has left for daycare and the husband has left for work. A late morning appointment is on the books so there is no rush. Type on the computer for an hour or so enjoying that cup of coffee then shower. Silence of the house. Birds chirp outside, heat steams up the room and my mind is quiet. Quiet, just for that moment. It is easy to get lost here.

I Just Don't Think This is Healthy

2009-05-07T22:16:00.004-06:00

Had a really wonderful day and an all around good week. It needed to happen for me. So, I spent the evening at a fire station event in local Colorado with my family, this includes my Grandma Rita. Delicious moment. Great weather, crappy hot dogs, good company and a crazy little boy running around the fire station yelling "fire cock" (he appears to be having trouble with the word truck). We come home, my aunt stops by and we all share a glass of wine after putting the kid to bed. I water my plants in the moon light and enjoy the light breeze. What is my problem?

I come inside and get on the computer instead of going to bed. I go on to that devil site FB and read all these posts on the husband's FB page about how cute the pictures are of his kid (MY pictures thank you) and how much he looks like him. It makes me feel enraged. This is just wrong.

Baby Great Horned Owls

2009-05-06T21:23:00.000-06:00

Sunny Days

2009-05-05T14:56:00.003-06:00

It is just Tuesday and I am loving this week.
Sunday I went to yoga and saw some good friends. Then I got to got to the garden center by myself (paradise).
Came home and took the kid to see Earth. He sat through over and hour of the movie! Not bad for under two. It might help that we do no TV or videos at home.
Yesterday I managed to get 3 hours of gardening in before total darkness set in. It was kind of romantic in the Jane Austin sense to garden in the moon light.
Today I put a HUGH dent in the mess of papers we call a basement. Went to the ARC luncheon and saw soo many old families. Fun.

And the drum roll please.....I billed and will get paid for my first medicaid visit! And the crowd went wild!! Plus, there was a check from BCBS in the mail. Nice.

Time Out

2009-04-27T12:05:00.005-06:00

The other morning the kid and I were hanging out getting ready for our Friday when things ran a little a muck. While I was getting our to go bag ready he was running back and forth screaming like a grade school girl. Then the kid started in on hitting the dogs with various vacuum parts.
"R, we don't hit the dogs. Use nice hands."
"RRRuuuuuu." Grits teeth while shaking vacuum part. Hits Katie.
"R, no hitting. Nice Hands."
Hits Katie.
"Do you want a time out?"
Smiles. "Yeah."
"Okay. Then go put yourself in time out."
Walks over to the time out spot and sits down. Fake cries.

Seriously, what are you supposed to do after that? Who is in charge? Clearly it is not me.

Let the Gardening Begin!

2009-04-24T21:40:00.000-06:00

Worth the wait.

Worth the wait

2009-04-20T15:49:00.004-06:00

Living in Colorado can be challenging but not in a bad way. It is challenging in a personal growth way. (How is that for optimism?) It teaches a person to be patient. We wait for beautiful sunny weather to stick around with out interruptions. We wait for our state economy to catch up with the rest of the US. We wait for the redneck cowboy ideals to slowly dissipate. We wait for local medicaid and insurance offices to get it right (damn it!)

On top of waiting for change on Colorado, I have been waiting for myself. Yes, myself. To wake up and make it on time all of the time. To learn what it means when someone is two, just two (not even.) To let go and be a little more understanding of others and where they are in their lives.

So during all this waiting some great and encouraging things have happened:
1. Made it on time to my 8:00 appt.
2. Made it on time with a cute spring outfit AND make up on.
3. Felt the wonderful support of a new friend.
4. Despite the fact I feel money is flying out the window we added to our net savings.
5. Got paid from an insurance company. (This should be old hat but it still is exciting each time it happens)
6. Peonies made it through the freak snow/rain storm. (Note: it is not really freak weather in Colorado since pretty much every March and April have acted this way in the last NINE years I have lived here. This is part of the Colorado personal challenge. I have to wait to garden. Hence I learn patience....OVER and OVER)
7. Started reading once again
8. Feeling the love towards my spouse--even when he is grumpy.
9. Even though SF lost my SEP check I can still contribute the money I need to for 2008.
10. Navigating the medicaid system is much easier now.

A person spends 1/3 their lives waiting. I guess we had better make it worth while.

Is This For Real?

2009-04-15T12:37:00.004-06:00

Did I mention if one more thing goes wrong I am going to BLOW???
This is my blog so I will whine if I want to. If you don't want to listen then don't read it.

Date back to March 26th. I make an appointment with State Farm to open a SEP retirement plan before I file taxes for 2008. Needs to get done now because we leave on vacation April 3rd. Have to make another appointment because the corporate office was closed.
New appointment is set for March 30th. Agent cancels appointment because corporate did not get paper work.
Sweating.
New appointment set for April 2nd 8:00 am. Kid gets sick the night before and Jason and I pull an all nighter. Manage to make the appointment.
Fill out paper work, make copies, write check and MAIL it! Whew.

April 11th Get back from vacation. Have SEP paperwork from SF. Account established April 8th. Great.

April 14th Look at bank account to make payment on credit card. Note high balance. Huh? Look to see if SEP check has cleared. No. For the love of Bob.

April 15th call SF. Nate tells me there is no image of my check. For CRAPS SAKE! They will have to do a file search. Super. They lost my $$$$ check.

BLOW!

Did I mention my period was 5 days late and I have some crappy rash left over from strep. Whaa. Whaa. Whaa.

PS. Happy flippin' tax day.

Put Some Windex on It

2009-04-10T07:57:00.003-06:00

While we were in on one of the open water dives in Bonaire I had a panic attack and had to be talked back down under the ocean. Once the instructor and I were back down on the bottom with Jason and the naked guy (That is another story) some nasty invisible ocean creature stung my arm (That bastard!). So, after we were finished with our dive I was inspecting my stings that looked like small blisters and Pepe, the dive instructor, came by.
"Oh! Put some windex on it! Hold on!"
What? You are sh@$#g me, right? Pepe comes over with a bottle filled with blue fluid with a taped over label that says "after sting" and sprays me with windex.
The stings were gone the next day.

All of those people who watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding are now laughing all others are like - what is the point?....

For pictures of our adventures in open water visit Randy's blog:
http://www.rubbercow.com/travel-log/
We are on page one and two...

Scuba-doba-do

2009-04-07T15:40:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was divine. I had so much fun with the husband. It had been a long time since we had that much fun. Drove around the Washington Slaggbaai National Park for five hours. Saw crazy new birds, blow holes and beautiful "mountains" (they are really hills). Ended the day snorkeling at Slaggbaai (all the sites have strange names). Super awesome snorkel site.

But today...we scubaed. My first and second official dive. It was so unexpected. The reef just drops off into the great blue Atlantic. I thought it would be flatter. The dive instructor kept pointing out fish (big sturgeon I thought were sharks) and Jason as off in finding Nemo land. Here is a brief re-cap of what I was doing....

Breathe
Breathe
Equalize
Don't touch the coral..Don't touch it...you will kill it
Breathe
Equalize
You're too floaty come down.....too much! too much! Don't touch the coral you will kill it.
Repeat for 51 minutes and end dive.

Paradise Day Two

2009-04-05T20:48:00.002-06:00

SLEPT IN TILL 10!
Snorkeled
Went for ice cream
Cooked out on the grill
Watched the sunset
Rocked in the hammock

Getting to paradise

2009-04-04T19:47:00.003-06:00

It was a long road. Not just in the geographical sense.
Today is Saturday and Monday seems a life time ago. Monday I thought to my self if one more thing goes wrong before this damn vacation I will blow.
Things kept going wrong. Every dang day. Oddly or fortunately I did not have the energy to blow up. Not even when I found out I have $1300 worth of repairs. Not even when the state farm guy canceled on me for opening a retirement fund before I filed taxes. Not even when the kid got croup. And not even when I went to urgent care 2 hours before we left to find out I have strep.

Why?

This is why...

You are What You Eat

2009-03-27T14:34:00.002-06:00

Little man and I are sitting having lunch. Soft foods, as I am recovering from the fat purple lip he gave me last night. (I do enjoy I have the full lips of Angelina Jolie but could do with out the purple.) As we are eating our beefed up Annie's mac n' cheese I wonder how many other parents eat what their kid eats. Perhaps that is why the weight is slowly creeping back up to the thighs and is getting rather cozy. Is that where the phrase cottage cheese thighs comes from?....

Same Cafe Link

2009-03-10T09:11:00.003-06:00

Please check it out. This cafe is run by a woman I knew from high school. The cafe was just spot lighted on CBS nightly news.

The premises of the cafe is everyone pays what they can either through money or volunteering. This way everyone who come through the door can have a meal.

Please share with ALL of the people you know.

It is a Start...

2009-03-09T23:26:00.002-06:00

Yes, that is the same basement. Now onto carpet and paint.

A Love Story

2009-02-14T20:13:00.002-07:00

Patience is a virtue especially when it comes to waiting. We wait something like a third of our lives.

Waited 9 years to open this bottle of wine. 9 years. We romanced it. Kept it cool. Kept it in the dark. Turned it every few months. Bought it a fridge. We loved this bottle of wine.

Today we went shopping and created a special dinner in it's honor. Lamb, none the less, with turnips, red onions from Chile and carrots. All organic of course.

We opened it up and let it acclimate for an hour so it could breath in it's surroundings. The table was set with our best wine glasses. Now it was time for that wine to shine....

And shine it did.

Tablas Creek Vineyard
2000 Esprit de Beaucastel

We loved that bottle of wine. It is a shame it had to leave so quickly.

2009-02-05T20:17:00.000-07:00

April 2009

2009-01-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

Sigh

2009-01-25T19:58:00.003-07:00

The grown up only weekend was post-phoned till next weekend. I was so let down. We did have one night to ourselves. My feelings of disappointment totally got in the way of being able to enjoy it. Plus, I feel even further behind with the basement and life in general.

Seriously -- I need not be so --- serious.

2009-01-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

I was just wondering if someone would like to come finish the basement project?

Forward Progress

2009-01-13T14:41:00.005-07:00

I think I am actually making some despite spending way too much time on other social networks. Work is coming along. I would say I am almost caught up. Now I can plan the basement update. Here is a before picture for you. GASP!This may explain the previous blog entry. Never fear it does not still look like this but I will not show more pictures until the face lift is complete. Just FYI - blue carpet with pink walls (not that you can see them in the picture). That is what we are dealing with now. At any rate anything will be a huge improvement.

Put some pictures up of the hubby and I. We do still have fun together. In fact we are having an adults only weekend (sorry losers no plans for baby making.) soon. The kid and dogs are being schlepped off to grandma and grandpa's and we are free! Not sure what we will be doing...

Off to complete my most productive day by going to the post office.

2009-01-09T21:42:00.003-07:00

So an incredible amount of work has been done to get the basement clean and organized. It is very close to being livable. Got to thinking about the way people live their lives - like those who are extremely organized verses those who live on the edge of chaos. I think there is a certain level of constant pressure and maybe a little adrenaline mixed in when you always wait till the last minute to do things, take on more than you can handle and over extend. Some poeple (like myself) seem to thrive in it. If everything is done and in its place what is left to do?
Of course, I could do things like work out again, plan my garden, read a book. Hmm...I could even start those hobbies I used to do - go draw something or take a picture of something other than my son. Connect with myself again. Outrageous!

2009-01-08T12:33:00.004-07:00

1:38 Sleeping hard sprawled out on stomach, likely drooling on the pillow. Enter husband with child. Butt jiggle. "Neve." Pause. "Neve." Butt jiggle. "Your son is asking for you."

"Hi Mom. Hi Mama. Mom"

Take ear plugs out, sit up and reach for son. Listen to husband comment on how he has not gotten any sleep yet. Curse inside head at husband. Take son in other room. Attempt to rock him. Son gets mad son just wanted to see mom. Wants back in crib. Fine.

"Night-night Mama."

1:43 Crawl back in warm bed. Sigh. "Mom!" Now louder "Mom!" Listen to coughing turn into crying. "Muuuummmaaaa!" Who the hell taught this kid to yell louder? Right. That would be me. Get up put on sweat shirt and go get son. Son a drink of water for whatever is in his throat. Put him back in bed. Son cries immediately. Cruse in head. Go warm up milk. Give son milk and momentarily dread upcoming days of weaning from bottle. Seriously, what is the harm in bottle feeding till 2? I do know the answer and IGNORE IT.

1:58 Take sweat shirt off and crawl back in bed. Let son who is changed and full cry it out.

2:03 Everyone falls back to sleep.

5:58 "Mom! Dada! Mum!" Shhh! Ignore son. He falls back to sleep. YES!

6:57 Get up to shower and let cursid husband sleep.

Footnote: Not sure why Rowan is doing the posting. Surprise he uses short sentences and types.
Change the blog so ANYONE can comment WITHOUT logging in. So please feel free to conversate with me.

HA! It happens to men too!

2009-01-05T22:56:00.003-07:00

Yesterday my husband comes home from taking crap to storage and picking up dinner. We sit down to eat and he says "I had those movies next to me in the car to return. I went into McDonalds to the RedBox and look down to realize the movies I had were from Netflix. I walked all the way in with to return movies at the wrong place." I can't tell you how something that little and stupid made me feel sooo good.

On another note, good day for learning how to "deal" with insurance companies. I investigated my first claims put in under my business.

Can I Get an Order of Crazy with a Side of Neurotic?

2009-01-04T00:32:00.004-07:00

Crazy Dreams

1. Dream there is a super-human baby made of silly putty rubber and laser eyes is chasing me through a college campus with a wooded camp site in the middle of it. The baby keeps trying to burn me with it's blue laser eyes. I can't seem to shake it. I manage to smash it enough so it's rubber body stick to the ground in the middle of the camp ground. I run like hell in to a giant glass atrium/library type building. I run up these winding moving stairs (like in Harry Potter) and run into Santa Claus. I show him pictures of the evil super-human baby and beg him to help me. I see the super baby coming after me out of the corner of my eye. I start begging Santa to help me. I wake up whimpering to my husband trying to clam me by stroking my forehead.

2. Driving in a metro area. At a four way stop light in the right hand turn lane. There has just been a bad accident and there are huge shards of glass in the middle of the intersection. I really don't want to damage my car so I swerve to the left. The light changes and a lady in a red VW Rabbit starts to go before I am done turning. I know she will hit me and she does rear end me. As I get rear ended I look around and think I swerved a little to far over and this really should be my fault. Motion to the woman through my rear view mirror to pull over to the curb. I pull over and park, get out of my car and start heading towards this drive way. I bend down to examine the rear bumper of this Gold Lexus SUV and think the damage is barely noticeable. I start to wonder where the hell this lady is, stand up and realize I am looking at the wrong car. My car is parked on the curb about 1/2 block away with the lady in the red car waiting.

Crazy in Real Life

1.My son is sick. I have to go get a prescription at Walgreen's. I get some pedisure while I am there since he has not been eating that great. I go to the pharmacy counter to pick up the drugs and pay for the pedisure. The pharmacist rings it up and I hand him my flex savings card. The register kicks back the charge for the pedisure. "That is a bunch of crap." flies right out of my mouth. I have to explain to the pharmacist that it is not him that I am made at but the flex plan. I pay for the pedisure with my debit card. He hands me the receipt and throws the extra coupons that print out in the trash (I think this is the receipt for the pedisure). Walk out to the car and look at the receipt. run back in flaming mad thinking I was charged twice for the pedisure, after all the pharmacist threw the receipt out. I explain my case the the manager. He explains to me both charges are on one receipt. I look, once, blink, twice, it sinks in. I blush, apologize and walk out.
2. I have addressed a group of new year's cards to send out. I set the semi-addressed cards in one pile and the complete cards in another. I put stamps and return addresses on all of them. I drop them in the community mail box on Friday. Several hours later I panic. I dropped the ones without full addresses in the mailbox. Crap. Now I will have to wait till Monday to get them. My Aunt comes over and I tell the story. Oh wait, tomorrow is Saturday and I can go get them from the post guy. Saturday I get really distracted by plans to update the basement. My son is sleeping and I decided to take a shower before he wakes up. As I am getting dress I realize that mail is probably coming. Look out the window and confirm this to be true. Hair wet and uncombed I throw on jeans, t-shirt (no bra), shoes (no socks)and a jacket. I run to the post box and explain my predicament. The postman lets me look through the letters. Mine are all fully addressed and ready to go. I look away and sheepishly say thanks and run home like Forest Gump.

Down Time?

2008-12-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

The new year is looming over us like a pack of wolves waiting to pounce on their unsuspecting prey. Quick it is time to make resolutions to place near the bedside. It is the only way to help continue the cycle of guilt and feelings of overall failure. Do it now.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

If this doesn't put cheer in your heart...

2008-12-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

There is something completely humbling about learning other people have your same thoughts and ideas and the only unique thing is your DNA and finger prints.

Whoosh!

2008-11-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

That is the sound of time passing by and the breeze blowing between my ears. What has come and gone besides time?

Thoughts about an election that brought tears to my eyes from relief and JOY. I bawled like a baby watching both McCain and Obama's speeches. Crying for the defeat of a hero. There was something so real about McCain in that moment. And crying full of hope. I was full of hope for my son's future in this great nation we live in, for the possible change that inevitably will come with change in leadership, for the eradication of old school values and the entrance of a new historical era. (Joy there was no way in HELL Palin would make it to the White House : )) Jason and I did sit on the couch for a while in disbelief as the predicted results came in and the race was decided by 9:30. (What do we do now? Go to bed?)

Then the iron sets in...Obama's victory suddenly is about his race when in his entire campaign it was never mentioned. For two long years Obama was a person first and now the press dis-empowered him (in my opinion). Now, I am not saying this was not a crazy important moment in all of American and Black History but Obama's campaign erased race making it a non-issue. Isn't that the first step to eliminating racism? Just a thought.

No it has been a waiting game. I am anxious to see what 2009 will bring.

I want to be a...

2008-10-17T21:45:00.000-06:00

Ringmaster. The family went to the Ringling Brothers last weekend. I think it was my first (and last) time going. If there has been circus visits in the past my subconscious has successfully block them out. The title of this round of performances was called "Over the Top". Let me tell you it was enough to drive anyone over the top. As I watched the clowns, tight rope walkers, trapeze artists and other "dancers" I thought to myself during childhood how many people imagine with clarity being the dude that rides the mini bike in the large metal ball? Do they say to themselves "When I grow up I want to be the clown with the green mow hawk."? How does one decide on the career path to be part of the Circus?

It was just strange. Like Chuck E Cheese on crack.

2008-10-05T20:54:00.000-06:00

Well people you may have noticed the change in scenery and not post to say what the heck is going on. It seems these days I am trying to fit my dinner on a cake plate and it simply is not working. The floor is a mess and the dogs are getting fat from the droppings.

Why the change of heart? Most likely it was a heart to heart. There is a split second in life when one realizes there is no easy division between work, home, child and self. That moment came during a Friday at home with the little man. He wasn't feeling well and was crying often. This made for a long day. The only saving grace were these little bottles of bubbles from my sister-in-laws wedding. As I sat on the floor blowing bubbles for like 45 minutes I thought "in case of emergency blow bubbles!". One thing lead to another and voila we have a blog make over. I figure every mother out there knows exactly what that title means. With the new title comes a more authentic style of writing and over all blog.

If I ran the zoo

2008-09-29T18:43:00.000-06:00

If I ran the CIA or FBI and we had some hard core criminal being interrogated I would use a whole new technique to break them. A poppy toddler diaper. Particularly, one after a kiddo tries a new food. Those hardened criminals would run out weeping for mercy after just a few whiffs of the foul mass. No Joke people.