20

Weeks. That is how far along in this mostly silent pregnancy I am. Mostly silent because I have not talked about it. Just been keeping this little miracle baby to myself.

Back in January Jason and I started a journey. I should say back in May 2009 we started a journey to have another baby. The road took a twisted turn in January. After buying and using enough pee sticks to fund half my retirement I insisted I talk to the doctor. This was the end of December. I know you are thinking May to December is not too long to try. Keep in mind last time I was pregnant on the 1st, 3rd and 5th try. This time, despite using ovulation kits and other methods I will not discuss, we got nada. Something felt wrong. The doctor scoffed too. I insisted. I even knew when to call. I was made to wait. 

Another month rolls around and we end up at the end of January. Ultra sound confirmed ovulation. Another try. Another negative test. Let the blood work begin. The vampires drained half my blood. The results rolled in and the calls from the nurse. Normal. Normal. Normal. Just waiting on this last value. Humpf. Maybe I am just impatient.

Start of February. The doctor calls and leaves a message. We play tag. She calls when I am in a session. I do the stupid and unthinkable thing, I answer the call (First time in my 6 year career as a therapist). Uh-huh. I see. Okay, yes. Thank you. Blink away tears. I keep it together, end the session and get in the car.

Hysterics start. Sobbing. Hyperventilation. I drive home. I get lost even though I am only 8 blocks away. The road is a blur. I call Jason. Call again. Come home. Just come home.